100/100 Days of Creativity: Last Call

The Dafanlons are a servant race of elephant-like creatures with short snouts and delicate folds of skin on their heads, which they use to detect sound. They are employed by the Vugane, a race of intelligent molluscs, to monitor all communication in the Dius galaxy and beyond. Yesterday the Dafanlons detected a message from a far-off…

99/100 Days of Creativity: Relax A Little

World Shotput Champion, Val Adams forgot everything she had been told in the last half hour, and broke all protocol to give the Queen a warm and friendly hug. Much to everyone’s surprise the Queen gave a delicate leoh and unexpectedly began to sob causing much consternation from officials and Royal minders alike. The Queen abruptly dismissed…

98/100 Days of Creativity: I Love Me. Why Don’t You?

‘Tell me HOW can Barack have MORE Twitter followers than me?’ demands Vladimir Putin to his social media advisors. ‘I post pictures of me being Rambo. I post pictures of me with pretty girls. I let people know what I think about human rights and I’ve been stirring the hornet’s nest in the Ukraine to goad…

97/100 Days of Creativity: Simple Pleasures

Every night after dinner Barry and I walk around the block enjoying the solitude as the neighbourhood slowly settles in for the night. In the weekends we go to the park for a couple of hours to investigate all the exciting smells and quietly rejoice in the glory of the weekend. I usually listen to some classical music…

96/100 Days of Creativity: Stand By Your Man

If Paula and Anne aren’t there to protect me from the bullies, clavering is my only defence. Last week I couldn’t stand the harassment any longer and I begged John for some leave. The prick said I could have two weeks off only if I answered all questions from the media and parliament for the next…

95/100 Days of Creativity: Fresh at Your World

You’ve seen the Fishmonger Genius. You love the Instore Master Butcher. Now introducing the Grantham Maestro. Forget unripe pears, squishy mandarins and sour grapes, the Grantham Maestro takes the guesswork out of choosing fruit. Each one comes fully loaded with a quality controlled scent detector that can quickly identify the ripeness of any fruit whether its for school lunches,…

94/100 Days of Creativity: Konnichi Wa

Last Monday I had a zouch and thought ‘Has my passport expired?’ I scrambled out of bed to check. Crap. One month overdue and we were leaving Friday morning. On Wednesday I started to worry that the passport office would not be able to courier my new passport in time. On Thursday they called to say my passport…

93/100 Days of Creativity: Death by a Thousand Cuts

So many words have been taken from us. Removed from human consciousness and lost forever. The number of blank spaces in printed material is growing day by day and soon we will witness the slow death of our conversations. I stand at the big hulking machine and wait for it to spit out the next word…

92/100 Days of Creativity: A Fine Line

An avonmouth wants to be noticed and is seeking to attract a mate. The courtship ritual of an avonmouth will involve drawing attention to her lips by pushing them out a little with a slight pucker. She may also bite her bottom lip seductively or perhaps lick them slowly and deliberately. It is likely she will reveal…

91/100 Days of Creativity: Hitting the Wall

Feeling fowey is defined as that period of intense internet surfing when things transition from being pretty boring to being really, really boring. It’s the perfect intersection of procrastination and diminished mental faculties. It usually occurs at the point when your good intentions of going to bed early go out the window. Should you find yourself feeling fowey consider…

90/100 Days of Creativity: CSI

Detective Harris slipped on the protective shoe covers and began examining the scene. He liked to be methodical; always starting with the victim and working outwards, slowly building a picture of what had occurred and possible motives. Clutched in the victim’s hand Detective Harris found a scrap of paper with the word ‘lancaster’ scribbled in blue ink. He…